URBAN TRANQUILITY

We’re back in civilization for week 2 of filming. Frankly, things were better when we were marooned in our little Shangri la out in the styx.

Tonight, we’re filming our hospital scenes in an Out Patient Center and, well, it’s not exactly Cedars-Sinai. This is small medical center -- about the size of your average dentist’s office -- and it’s located in a small shopping center anchored by a Ralph’s supermarket. In theory, that’s a boon for the production since we no longer have to drive for several miles every time we need supplies. There’s a mom and pop pizza joint here, too, that’s proving quite handy. It's so warm inside the medical center that the sound crew, Jorge and Taina, can wear mufti gear rather than bundle up like Eskimos.

But, when it comes time for the director to call “Action,” there’s an unholy commotion in the parking lot outside: “Whee-oh-whee-oh-beep-beep-beep-ack-ack-ack-whee-oh-whee-oh…” We’ve no idea whose car alarm it is. It takes a minute or two for it to stop.

And then it happens again. And again. And again. All night. Probably a car belonging to one of the workers inside the supermarket.

If this was a Jerry Bruckheimer production, he would have radioed in for a military helicopter -- equipped with an industrial-sized salvage-yard magnet -- to carry the offending car away to a convenient drop-off point. Like the Pacific ocean.

Tonight’s filming takes a while to get going and then, when it does, one scene gets endlessly regurgitated from a number of angles. Rus’s character is more spattered with more blood than Jason’s hockey mask at the end of “Friday the 13th XXVI.” To achieve that effect, Tina, the make-up artist, and Jessica, the script supervisor, look at a digital photo from last week to ensure that each streak of blood mirrors that of last week. By the end, Rus has a truly horrifically gory visage. Now, if only we could get Rus to stagger into the supermarket with a butcher’s knife and lurch toward the culprit who owns the car with the nuisance alarm…

But tonight should be remembered as the final appearance of Los Trios Amigos. In tribute, we offer the following photo homage.

-- Stephen Humphries (production assistant)

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS, CAMERA, AND ACTION

Tonight’s film set: Xanadu. We’re inside a small palace on the very top of a mountain that overlooks a significant slice of Southern California. You could launch a hang glider from the porch of this home, which seems to be perched at the kind altitude where you need gas masks. There aren’t any Sherpas up here, alas, so it’s up to the usual crew to lug gear around for tonight’s set up. That includes a green screen for special effects (see below).
Lemme introduce you to the tireless crew: Ken Wales (Best Boy Electric), Trevor Crist (Key Grip), Josh Day (Best Boy Grip), Brandon Alperin (Swing -- or, as we like to say, “Schwiiinggg”), Jose Barocio (Boom Operator), John Lakin (Sound Mixer). No griping from this lot despite the late shift. Ken cracks on with things even though he has to jet off to do some filming for "American Idol" the next morning.

We’re using the home to film scenes of the less-than-tranquil home life of Fat Bert, small-time crime lord. In tonight’s scenes, Bert has a domestic argument with his domineering girlfriend, Porsche, which leads him to dispatch his two doltish henchman, Carl and Duke, to the trailer park where much of the story transpires. Oh yeah, and the “Alpaca mafia” shows up on Fat Bert’s doorstep. They’re a trio of hustlers who apply their Bernie Madoff instincts to the Alpaca business. Josh, the writer and director of “Hold On Loosely,” got the zany idea of an Alpaca mafia after watching one-too-many late-nite commercial. In fact, I’ll wager that Josh is a “As Seen on TV” junkie -- he also wrote a scene in which Mama Cheese enthuses about the set of knives she brought off television. Josh probably owns the Magic Bullet.


Another potential show stealer: David Poggi as the head of the Alpaca mafia. Bald-headed and muscular, David looks an awful lot like Vin Diesel, except he’s wearing a Peruvian vest that should come with its own pan-flute soundtrack. He’s adopted a thick South American accent for the role. Good luck to the other actors in trying not to crack up during the scene. Everyone’s in jovial spirits and tonight’s “lunch” (served at midnight) is the best meal of the week: Honey-fried chicken, mashed potato, cornbread, and fresh strawberries, melon, and pineapple. The people over at Jean Hamilton catering have outdone themselves tonight, which is no mean feat considering how good the food has been the previous 4 nights.

It’s our final night of using rented RV’s for makeup and editing. Jennifer Stoefen, a “data wrangler” who processes the ones and zeros from the Red Camera, has an automative strain of cabin fever. Everyone is ready to blow off some steam. Rus is cracking jokes about a Holocaust version of High School Musical starring a Jewish Zac Efron that had me howling and wanting to see his stand-up routine. Rus is Jewish. Us Gentiles could never get away with Holocaust jokes, let alone besmirching Vanessa Hudgens' name. The shoot wraps at 4 a.m. Week 1 is over. Things are shaping up nicely.











Next week: The hospital shoot (it’s gonna make “E.R.” look like “Doogie Howser.”)

-- Stephen Humphries (production assistant)

A TEST OF METTLE

Everyone is firmly settled into the Vampiric rhythms of night shoots, but night 4 is a race against the piercing dawn light. We have a mammoth 14 pages of script to cover tonight. Every single actor in the cast is here tonight, including a couple of newcomers -- welcome Tamara Zook (Mama Cheese) and Brian Russel (Fat Bert). The dog is here, too. Even the Condor is making a repeat appearance tonight thanks to the efforts of the lighting and electric crew (pictured below).



Our makeup lady, the unflappable, hard-working, and ever cheerful Tina Shults, has whipped up a home-made concoction of fake blood with her secret home-made recipe. It’s perfectly edible, she tells us. (Edible is not necessarily synonymous with “tasty,” mind.) Doesn’t stain clothing, either. Our actor dog will need industrial dog grooming by the time we’re through. Don’t worry, a representative of the Humane Society is on set to monitor our handling of animals. Including Jamie (below) -- he’s quite the animal. (Baddaboom! Thank you, I'll be here all week.)

Dusk starts out Josh, the director, rehearsing blocking with the cast while the camera and lighting crews get to work. A table full of In-N-Out burgers is quickly consumed. (Note to the In-N-Out in Claremont: Profuse apologies for triggering multiple heart attacks when I rolled up to the drive thru and asked for 40 cheeseburgers -- to go.)

Then it’s time to do the scene with the dog in play. Script supervisor Jessica Derks (below, l.), already a star on the shoot for her meticulous eye on continuity, has her work cut out for her as the lengthy scene is filmed multiple times from multiple angles. The actors freeze in position after a key moment in the scene, so that Tina (below, r.) and the dog trainer can rush over and apply F/X makeup to Matty the mutt, and then resume action. Matty also has to be rinsed down, shampooed, and blow dried in between takes, too. Talk about a pampered pooch.














The energy levels are high. The final scene, a showcase for Kevin (Winston) and Tamara (Mama Cheese) has everyone convulsing with laughter -- it'll be a wonder if the laughter doesn't bleed over into the audio track! Everyone is exhausted come night's end. Especially Nick Gregorio, the production coordinator. Nick is a director in his own right -- his offbeat comedy, "Happy Birthday, Harris Malden" is a hit on the festival circuit -- and he has formidable organizational skills that can only come from the experience of directing your own feature and having first-hand knowledge of what goes into pulling it all together.

-- Stephen Humphries (production assistant)

ONCE MORE INTO THE BREACH...

It’s Wednesday night, and while the rest of you out there are watching “Lost,” we’re steadily chipping away at the script. This production is shooting an average of 10 pages of the screenplay each night, which is unusually high. But we’re keeping pace with the schedule thanks to pre-production rehearsals and stellar line memorization by the cast.

Good news: We’ve found our dog. Our shitzu is straight out of central casting thanks to an agency that leases animal actors. You don’t want to know how much they’re charging us for one night. Put it this way, the human actors aren’t making this kind of money. For this amount of cashola, this shitzu better put on an Oscar-caliber performance when we ask it to roll over and play dead. And, no, we’re not giving the dog its own kennel-trailer.

Tonight’s set is subdued. Only 5 cast members are involved, and much of the shoot takes place inside a green Dodge Charger that’s straight outta “Dukes of Hazard.” It’s an easier lighting set up and, apart from a few dolly shots on a line of track, much of tonight’s shots are close-ups in the vehicle.

The assistant director, Danny Schrader (below, left), as the respect and admiration of the crew. Danny runs a very tight ship and it means that Josh can focus on getting tone and performance -- the key elements of this comedy. Danny has worked on "Will & Grace" as well as reality shows such as "Big Brother." I gotta sit down with him and hear some of the stories he must have from what goes on inside that house...

The director of photography, Clark Parkhurst (above, right), is the epitome of mellow. A long-time friend of Josh -- they went to film school together -- Clark is currently working on special effects work for "Wolverine." The film is looking incredibly handsome even before all the post-production work on the Red Camera, which is being managed by Alex Hanawalt (currently making his own documentary about urban planning). Editing falls under Drew Kilcoin, who is going to have his work cut out for him since Josh would like to have a cut ready to take to Comic Con in July.

By contrast, we’re expecting an intense and complex shoot tomorrow.

-- Stephen Humphries (production assistant)

FLIGHT OF THE CONDOR

The first hitch of the production. And it’s a biggie. A pivotal scene involves a shitzu being taken hostage. Problem is, the dog we were going to film has been reported ill. We’re using a stuffed-toy dog for the majority of the scene, but we desperately need a real dog in the movie for establishing shots. We’ve just two days to somehow find a replacement. That’s what we get for ignoring the #1 maxim in Hollywood: “Never work with dogs or children.”

If there’s one actor on set who has balls of steel, it’s Jamie Lane (Carl, a brash, but none-too-bright, hoodlum). Tonight's scene involves a tricky bit of nutty maneuvering, but as always, Jamie is up to the chapping challenge.











Amanda Rowan (Porshe) plays a key part in the scene and she's clearly have a blast in her role as the high-strung moll of a local crime boss. Amanda's costuming (see photos, above) are a character in and of themselves. Kudos to costume coordinator Erica Rice (above, right).

Rus Gutin (below) plays Duke, the senior hoodlum who is charged with looking after the impetuous Carl. The duo's banter in the first scene of the film is hilarious. Rus's timing comes from his many years as a stand-up comic. (You can purchase a DVD of his political humor here.)


Timmy, meanwhile, continues to crack everyone up with each take. The guy is utterly hilarious and we wish him well when he dashes back to Los Angeles tomorrow to audition for a small part in a Ben Stiller movie.

Things are moving at a clip and everyone is hugely relieved that the icy winds of the previous day have abated because tonight it’s time for the flight of the Condor -- a crane with a huge light on it -- to illumine the exterior scenes. The production has also hired a massive, Zeppelin-shaped balloon filled with light. No doubt, this "HMI" glow kite will result in a few reports of “UFO sightings” in the valley below. This piece of equipment ain’t cheap. They can fetch one hundred grand each and they’re so large that, should they float away, one is required to inform the FAA. We’ve tied down our balloon but it bucks like a lassoed horse every time the breeze picks up.

By the time the klieg lights are blazing, you could play a baseball game on the small plot of land where all the action takes place. The Gaffer, Nikolas Smith (left), has a fair number of toys to play with. (Nik's email address, btw, is "nikhitbytrain." Ok, now that's different.) One of the lighting guys has just finished work on the coming Will Ferrell film, “Land of the Lost.” He’s having way more fun on this gig.

-- Stephen Humphries (production assistant)

FINALLY, IT BEGINS

We have lights (enough for an airport runway), a Red Camera, and plenty of action. After months of planning and years of dreaming, writer and director Josh Cole is finally filming “Hold on Loosely,” an unfiltered black comedy set in the South. Think Coen Brothers, but with enough profanity to make Eminem blush. Josh's script is laugh-out-loud hilarious.


Snapshot premise: A trio of trailer-trash hoodlums run afoul of the local crime boss when they steal something precious to him. In the middle of the farrago are two strong-willed women who find their patience, and romantic relationships, sorely tested. Oh yeah, and there’s a Llama -- sorry, Alpaca -- involved.



The 10 days of filming are all night shoots, so we’ll be rolling film from dusk to yawn. Our first week of shooting is on location in La Vern, a town Northeast of Los Angeles that abuts a series of shoulder-to-shoulder mountains. The film set sits on an elevated prow on a hillside. From up here, the orange freeways and blinking city lights look like streams of running lava. You can see the nightly fireworks display at Disneyland over in Anaheim from up here. In daytime, the skyline of Los Angeles looks like a faraway Oz. As a journalist who is moonlighting -- literally moonlighting -- as production assistant, being on set is all very new and foreign to me even though TV and film are my beat.


Since we’re filming on a housing development, we’re fortunate to have a lot of privacy and quiet. This week’s scenes are being shot in and around a vintage Airstream trailer, a tin capsule that resembles a B-52 Bomber without the wings. Its quarters are more cramped than a submarine. Sometimes it feels as if the four actors, director of photography, and the focus puller are hanging out the windows. And, sometimes, they literally are. On her first day, lead actress Michelle Nunes has a scene in which she has to crawl in through the back porthole and tumble into the trailer. It ain’t easy, but then we don’t exactly have the budget to hire a stunt double. She gamely does her breaking and entering scene at least 5 times. Another scene that requires multiple takes, multiple angles, requires Michelle to walk up to a beer can and kick it in anger. Each take, Michelle delivers a punt worthy of Adam Viniateri.

Michelle (left), a former Miss Hooters International, recently joined the ensemble after the actress originally cast as Susie had to drop out. In hindsight, a blessing for the film since Michelle is a superb find.

For the shoot, Michelle's long locks are hairsprayed into a Morgan Fairchild. The trailer-trash trio -- Kevin Brenna (Winston), Travis Parker (Jimmy), and Timmy Perry (Cheese) -- sport outfits such as vests, alligator boots, cut-off shirts, and a T-shirt of Duane Allman (for Southern authenticity, of course). The trio (below) are freezing out here in the desert, casting envious eyes at the crew in their Arctic gear. Travis (above), who has the classic look of a leading man, conjures up deep reserves of energy even though he's barely slept and spent most of the day organizing production matters behind the scenes.


It’s a tough shoot. Come 3 a.m., small delays have slowly added up to put shooting behind schedule. Worse, the chilly wind has kicked up to sub-tempest levels and blown over one of the huge reflection screens outside. Everyone is still adjusting to the jetlag of an all-nighter. Afterward, we're all going to sleep like Rip Van Winkle. But tempers are on an even keel, helped, in large part, by the thorough pre-production planning. (As one crew member commented, she’d recently been on a $300,000 production -- 3 times the cost of this shoot -- and it wasn’t half as well organized.)

Out here at 4 a.m., the only sounds are frogs and dogs. And the sound of cast and crew chugging coffee and energy drinks. Outside, director Josh Cole and Assistant Director Danny Schrader huddle around a live-feed monitor as the lighting crew and sound guys hustle about their jobs.

The rush is on, however, to complete today’s ambitious schedule before the Eastern glow on the horizon. Will we make it? Find out tomorrow. Until then … Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

-- Stephen Humphries (production assistant)

Photos courtesy of Amanda Rowan (who plays Porsche in the film). More shots over at www.flickr.com/photos/amandarose